Always
by amberdowny
Summary: Hawkeye always gets what he wants...no matter what.


Disclaimer: I don't own MASH. If I did, it would've been even slashier than it already was, if that's humanly possible.

A/N: I am going to be brutally murdered for this. The idea got stuck in my head and wouldn't leave. I can't wait to return to my innocent and slightly angsty A-Z fic.

WARNINGS! Slash. (A stupid warning for a slash group. It gets better.) Non-consensual slash. Rape. B.J.-torture. An overly cruel Hawkeye, a possibly OOC Hawkeye at that.

Rating: R. Very R.

Summary: Hawkeye always gets what he wants…no matter what.

It's been a long day at the 4077th. There were tons of unexpected casualties, and we had a twenty-hour OR session. It probably would have been shorter if Charles was here, but he's in Tokyo on R&R.

Hawkeye and I retire to the Swamp and consume our weight in gin, then collapse on our respective cots and fall asleep.

I'm suddenly jerked awake. I squint at my watch in the darkness. I can't make out the time, then I realize that it's darker than usual because all the tent flaps are rolled down. I look up and make out a dark shape. From the posture and smell of alcohol, I know it's Hawkeye. He reaches down and pulls me to my feet.

"Hawk, what--?" I begin, but I'm cut off by Hawkeye's lips pressing hard against my own. I'm surprised, but not disgusted. I've been thinking about Hawkeye a lot lately, and have come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to him.

However, I'm also exhausted. I try to pull away, but Hawkeye pulls me in closer. Harder. His teeth, which had been grazing my bottom lip, suddenly clamp together and I taste blood. My blood.

I'm convinced by now that Hawkeye is very drunk. I push against him with all my strength and he backs up a step. "Stop it, Hawk!" I command. Hawkeye's hand comes up faster than I can react and slaps me across the face. Hard. I gasp and bring a hand to my cheek. "What the hell are you doing!" I shout, moving away from him.

He advances on me and grabs my wrists. "Just a little reminder."

"Reminder?"

"So that you understand what happens if you don't do as I say."

I sense that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell him that he hasn't said anything. "What do you want me to do?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Hawkeye's smile isn't reassuring in the least bit. "It'll be fun." With that, he pulls me to him and kisses me again. I try to resist, but he bites down again and I stop struggling. He shoves his tongue forward and past my teeth. I feel like he's raping my mouth.

Maybe my mouth isn't the only thing he plans to rape.

The thought hits me like a ton of bricks.

Hawkeye pulls his mouth away, then pushes me, and I take a step backward. "Very good," he murmurs, then resumes attacking my mouth. He pushes me again, and I take another step. My legs hit the end of a cot. Whose cot, I don't know. He pushes me for a third time, but this time, I resist.

Hawkeye pulls back and punches me. I gasp in pain. Hawkeye takes advantage of my momentary weakness and shoves me down onto the bed, then straddles my hips. I'm still praying that he'll stop before it goes any further, but the feel of his erection pressing against my thigh more or less shatters my hopes.

He pulls off his shirt, then leans down and pulls off mine. He kisses me again, gentler than before. My hope flares up again, but is quickly doused when he undoes his pants and kicks out of them. As he reaches down to undo mine, I whisper "Please don't do this, Hawk."

He looks at me, and I think I've gotten through to him, but then he looks back down at his task at hand. "Don't talk," he orders, then slides my pants down my hips. He throws them onto the floor then looks back at me. His eyes drift down to my groin, and I see the desire darkening his eyes.

He suddenly shifts position so that he's lying fully on top of me. He kisses me hard again, and tears begin to well up in my eyes. He's really going to do it.

He nudges my legs apart with his knee, then when I resist he rolls off me and forces them apart. He climbs back on top of me and without any warning, thrusts inside of me.

"Ah!" I exclaim, then will myself to be quiet. I don't need Hawkeye to hit me again. He thrusts harder, the pain escalates and tears stream down my face. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping it'll be over soon.

I get my wish, and Hawkeye comes, then withdraws and stands up. "Told you it'd be fun," he says, and crosses the tent. Evidently, this is my cot. I shift a little, then bite my lip as pain shoots through me. I feel something wet and warm trickle down the back of my thigh, and wonder whether it's my own blood or Hawkeye's semen.

I gingerly sit up, then clench my teeth. I force myself to stand and pull on my pants. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then get back into my bed and sink into blissful sleep.

I'm woken by the clattering of Hawkeye getting a drink. My eyes snap open, and memories of the previous night wash over me. I make an involuntary moaning sound, and Hawkeye looks over at me. "Good morning," he says cheerfully. "Breakfast?" He holds up a martini glass invitingly.

I shy away from his outstretched hand.

"Beej?" Hawkeye seems concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course not," I reply. "After what you did last night."

"What I did? What did I do?" Hawkeye sounds honestly confused.

"You--" I begin, then I realize that I don't feel any pain. I raise a hand to my cheek and poke at it. Nothing. I look down and notice that I'm wearing a shirt. I had only put pants on after Hawkeye raped me…_in my dream_. "Oh…thank god," I whisper and lay back down.

There's a gentle _clink_ as Hawkeye sets down the glasses he was holding. He sits on the edge of my cot. "B.J.? Are you all right?"

I close my eyes. "I had the most horrible dream. You…" I decide it can't hurt to tell him. "You raped me."

"Damn," I hear Hawkeye whisper softly. I feel him brush hair away from my forehead. "I would _never_ do that to you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he murmurs, then I feel him lean down and brush a light kiss across my lips, for real this time.

My eyes snap open again, and I stare at him. He shrugs, then looks away in embarrassment. "Sorry," he says softly.

I sit up and grab his arm. "Don't apologize."

A/N2: I had to make it a happy ending. I had to. I couldn't leave it with the rape. Hopefully that makes up for writing it in the first place?


End file.
